Summer In Da Hood

Seriously, there's nothing like hoodrats and heat...To be honest, this year seems to be a lot calmer than last year (but that could be because I've spent most of the summer house-sitting in the suburbs -- nothing wrong with the 'burbs).

But there is a new phenomenon this year. Imagine this...I've just come home to stay after being away for a month. Hit the corner, the street appears to be a little damp. Okay, let's be real, the street is more than damp. It's downright flooded. So, the kids (or probably their ghetto a** parents) have opened up the fire hydrant. Okay, so I've seen this in movies, on the news, etc. It happens all the time in NYC. No prob. So I take my shoes off. Luckily, I have little flip flops with me. I roll up my pants and get out of the car.

Ewwww!!! I repeat...Ewww!!! I clearly didn't think this one through. This is the same street that Public Works won't even sweep on a regular basis. Picture this...all the trash that's been tossed out of car windows, sunflower seed shells spit out, stray cats' bodily fluids. ALL of that is in the street. Now add water and stir. Oh, I forgot to mention that the water is warm -- sauna warm. Can we say petri dish, incubator, cesspool.

AND I PUT MY FEET IN IT!!!

I get upstairs to see that my feet are now, I don't know, the funniest shade of gray. This isn't your average shade of ashy. It's more like toxic waste ashy - gray with a hint of green.

So I've learned my lesson. No more wading in the Edson Public Pool. So, if I've learned that lesson, why do people let their children play in this filth each and every day.

NEWSFLASH -- DC Public Pools are free. Take your kids to the pool. A little piss in a chemically regulated pool vs. motor oil, cigarette butts and animal feces on the city street. End of discussion. It's not even close.

My Life In Da' Hood

Well it's been a little over a year since I moved to Da' Hood. I'd like to say that each day gets a little easier...but that would be a lie. Who would have ever thought that poor management of money in your twenties would lead to living like this. (So take it from me young + dumb = a tough time in your thirties). I should have seen the writing on the wall when I got into a major accident while moving my things in. God was trying to keep me me in Virginia.

Don't get me wrong, it feels good having money in the bank -- I've cut my expenses virtually in half. But nothing could have ever prepared me for the past year. Let's see if I can sum it up...

I live in a junior 1-bedroom apartment in a 4-unit building. There are no kids in the building. I have my own washer and dryer, dishwasher and jacuzzi tub (sounds like the inner city's hidden treasure, right?). But the true jewel is that I live in Washington, DC 2-blocks from the Metro and only pay $650 a month. So you say, what's the problem...

To quote my neighber, "It's like Mardi Gras everyday outside!"

I love my people, but somethings just AIN'T RIGHT!!!

Here are some valuable lessons I've learned during the past year:

• It is OK to plug anything into a neighbor's outside outlet - curling irons, stereos, cellular phones, etc...
• Gambling on a neighbor's stoop is acceptable as long as you pick up the money so she can walk by.
• It's also acceptable to braid hair, drink wine or eat your carry-out food on a neighbor's stoop.
• You'll probably have to step over a neighbor who won't move from your stoop if he/she doesn't get out of your way by the 3rd 'excuse me'.
• Like clockwork, the ice cream man doesn't come around until 10pm.
• Just because it looks and sounds like an ice cream truck doesn't mean that you can't by hot dogs, nachos, french fries, etc. from him...just ask. (Though I believe that ice cream is a special order and he'll bring it by the next day.)
• If a neighbor is interested in getting to know you better, it is customary to volunteer to wheel his BBQ grill to your front lawn and cook you a hot dog (just in case you didn't want to spend your dollar at the ice cream truck).
• No one plays on the grass in the park at the end of the block (that's sacred ground - specifically reserved for ghetto memorials to the 'fallen soldiers').
• Everyone plays in the street -- adults, children, infants, seniors -- I mean it is 'Mardi Gras'. So you might as well put your car in park and join the party because they don't move until they feel good and ready.

That's Me!!!

Describe Yourself In Just 5 Words

Should I be brutally honest, or should I sugarcoat? Do I want to be honest, or should I be frank enough to realize that unfettered honesty is the one thing that can make me seem like a complete mess.

I tried to sum me up in only 5 words...but I couldn't decide which 5 words would do. So.....

Self-doubt, strong inner core.
Known to trip over dust.
Book stores are my weakness.
Spend Labor Days in Miami.
Addicted to football on Sundays.
Never thought I was funny...
I meant intentionally funny though
I can make people laugh.
I can be shy sometimes.
I talk too much sometimes.
Middle child, basically good childhood.
Sister is my best friend.
Parents are my close friends.
Good cook, when I cook.
Comfort food: chocolate chip cookies.
Patience is not my virtue.
I'm continually being taught patience.
Grey Goose Vodka Martini - Dirty.
Don't love easily - love deeply.
Wishy-washy, see both sides.
Long to write long emails.
Love receiving long emails better.
To be continued another day......